Last week, while planning a grocery shop, I see this TikTok of a delicious-looking roasted chickpea and kale wrap:
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I think, “well I should try to eat a little healthier, and I have a bunch of chickpeas already, so let’s give this a try.” I hit TJ’s and buy the ingredients I don’t have on hand, follow the directions to the best of my abilities, and wind up with this monstrosity:
I send this picture to Daisygreen: “looks just like the video.” I don’t know how the final product in the video tasted, but I bet it tasted better than my mess, which continually exploded hummus and salad dressing all over my hands and pants, and lacked salt.1
Sat on the couch, trying to figure out how to get a fork without letting my eyes off the plate long enough for Edgar to steal a chickpea or tomato, I think about how so much of my life is constructed of minor failures. This one isn’t even close to the worst of the week; that honor goes to my repeated bombing in Idiot Workshop the previous afternoon. There, after two weeks of working on a few aspects of my performance abilities I think needs beefing up – talking without being in my head, being sincere, performing with intensity – a more pressing issue becomes apparent. On this particular afternoon, I start off getting laughs and interest, lose the audience’s interest, then struggle mightily to get them back. I get stuck in a gear that I can’t shift out of, unable to let myself be affected on stage by failing. My tendency while performing is to be clever instead of honest, and I’m missing out on that deeper level of connection with the audience in the moment. At the end of class, I finally have a minor moment of clarity, practically collapsing to the floor with exasperation as I yell “AGH! I HAD YOU AND I LOST YOU!” before being sent to the back line by the teacher. “Yes!” he says, “Feel that failure!”
30 minutes later, I meander around 99 Ranch Market looking for a tin of sesame oil that’ll fit in the little caddy on our kitchen island where we keep oil and vinegar, the discomfort no longer gnawing at me. It’s so silly to think that I can do “it” perfect no matter what “it” is, especially when I can’t remember a time I’ve done anything perfectly since my flawless performance in the Geography Bee in 5th grade. Doing it ugly and imperfectly is the whole game. If I’m not trying to do it ugly, then I’ve got nothing to work with when ugliness arises. This will not be an easy habit to break, but the only way to break it is to soldier through, no matter how ugly or unfunny the outcome may be in the meantime.
The next night, after I finish what became less of a wrap and more of a lavash-heavy salad, I still feel satisfied. Not just because I’m full,2 more because I realize that I never need to make this recipe again. I can repurpose the leftover ingredients however I please. All the little bits of kitchen knowledge I have at my disposal can come out and play. I can make more flavorful beans. I can cook them in a simple burst cherry tomato sauce. I can serve them with saffron rice, garnish them with kale chips. I can take the lavash and wrap it up with peanut butter and jelly, a simple, comforting culinary act that requires basically zero culinary skill other than “don’t cut yourself with the butter knife.”3
This is the benefit of doing it ugly: if I didn’t do it ugly, none of the other ideas coming to mind would’ve shown up. It’s times like these that remind me I would rather do it ugly than not do it at all.
THINGS I’M GLAD I SAW LAST WEEK
CONNER O’MALLEY’S “PIPE ROCK THEORY”
One of my favorite truly unhinged comedians is at it again, dropping clips from a “podcast” that begin by feeling like plausible beliefs for a certain subset of melted-brain internet denizen before veering off wildly into a whole other level of social media insanity. This was the first of (hopefully) many, many more to come. Don’t touch that Monster Energy and vape juice-covered dial!
GINTS ZILBALODIS’ POST-OSCAR WIN TWITTER FEED
The director of 2025’s Academy Award winner for Best Animated Feature, and, unquestionably, the world’s most famous Latvian, has been going OFF on Twitter ever since his big win. If you want to see a barrage of wholesome, uplifting content, ranging from proud Paul Giamatti emails to cheeky re-renders of the characters from Flow playing with an Oscar, then direct your eyeballs to his feed and his feed ONLY.
NEEL GHOSH’S DON’T TELL COMEDY SET
I’ve known Neel a long time, ever since he was a regular at me and Tyler’s open mic at Hyperion Tavern. He’s always been a total sweetheart with great comedy chops, and he’s someone who I love talking about the art and craft of comedy with. In recent years, he’s begun to make waves by incorporating live looping, crowd work, and improvisation into his sets, and this Don’t Tell showcases the best of all his comedic abilities. Take a look at the 100% silly clip above, then go watch the whole set here.
A BRIEF DISPATCH FROM RECOVERYLAND
Rainy days in LA make hitting the recovery goals a little more satisfying. Don’t know why. Made it back to my home group Wednesday after a week away. Took a 12th Step call from a friend Thursday, swapping war stories and walking in the drizzle. We see a truck fishtailing in an intersection and are both rendered temporarily speechless, then saying almost in unison “how does no one know how to drive in the rain around here?” I sending them off with some advice about meetings and a hug. Sent a pal out to my neck of the woods Friday mornin to double dip at some meetings, with coffee and good chat in between. Feels really great to have camaraderie to go along with the recovery.
WHAT ABOUT ME?
This week, you can find me:
doing shows in Dallas and Austin - full show calendar is here
getting ready to host my comedy game show WRONG! in San Diego on the 28th at 10 PM, get your tickets!
Until next time, friends. Thanks for reading, I’m glad you’re here!
fun fact: these healthy social media recipes never have enough salt
and, as I learn later, absolutely stuffed to the brim with farts
this was my breakfast today, highly recommend