Oscars I'd Give Out If I Could, Pt. 2
The Gratitude List #22
Well folks, we’ve reached the end of Awards Season, one of the two official seasons of LA besides “Fire.” The Oscars were on Sunday, capping off a run that some thought was boring and some thought was an absolute nail-biter. The Conclave Cabal couldn’t hang with the Anora Acolytes in the end, with Sean Baker’s screwball tragicomedy winning 5 of the 6 Oscars it was nominated for1.
It was a big night for independent film, with most of the winners coming from outside of the continuing-to-collapse studio system, except for a few craft category wins for Wicked. There was a literal earthquake a few hours after the ceremony, as if Hollywood itself was reacting to the seeming seismic shift of indie films triumphing a full year after Cord Jefferson’s remarkable victory speech at last year’s ceremony, urging the Industry to take more risks on smaller projects. Most of them still didn’t, but the voters have spoken nonetheless. The people want risk. Give it to them. And, no, I don’t mean a big-budget CGI’d-to-within-an-inch-of-its-life adaptation of the board game, which will probably be announced any day now in Deadline.
So, in the vein of my previous post from a couple Oscars ago, I’m switching up the format and throwing out some awards I’d give to some of the films that you, fair readers, might have missed out on at your local multiplex or even more local smart TV.
Oh, and of course, my favorite yearly tradition of my top 10 movies of 2024 in emoji. It doesn’t really feel like Awards Season is over for me until that’s done.
Here we go!
BEST MINDFUCK: A Different Man
I watched this movie on a plane2 and it never left my head. Sebastian Stan is doing career-best work as a man wrestling with what it means to be, well… him? Especially when “him” – a doppelgänger played by a I-wish-he-got-so-many-nominations-for-this-part Adam Pearson – is charming, charismatic, and unafraid to live to the fullest. Watch this and just try to avoid falling down a rabbit hole of uncovering all the layers upon layers of meaning and subtext within this richly realized film. I dare you. I double dare you. I triple dog dare you.
BEST MOVIE THAT WILL GET YOU READY TO UNLEASH HELL ON YOUR OPPOSITION: Challengers and Kneecap
If you know anything about Challengers – totally shut out at the Oscars because I guess there is only so much horniness on camera that the wizened Academy membership can take? – you know that it’s about a tennis-y love triangle, and that its soundtrack slaps. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross cooked up a batch of athletic club bangers that will get you wanting to pump it up3 and take your rage to the courts.
On the flip side, Irish rap biopic Kneecap featured some primo middle finger music, following a rap trio in Belfast doing their best to keep the Irish language alive through some eyebrow-raising tactics and performances. It’s an overtly political, genre-bending movie about creating art in dangerous times that feels palpably dangerous in the best way.
BEST REBUTTAL TO THE NOTION THAT COMEDY IS DEAD: The Gutter and Hundreds of Beavers
I hate when people say comedy is dead.4 Next time you hear some dipshit complaining that no one makes comedies any more, tell them to look a little harder, and suggest they start with these two works of idiot genius. I’ve previously sung the praises of Hundreds of Beavers here, and if you haven’t watched this legitimate comic masterpiece by now, then quit doing yourself a disservice and go watch it right now. I’ll wait.
Welcome back. How about those beavers, eh?
Now, take another 90-ish minutes and watch The Gutter right now. If you’re a fan of old-school broad comedies with a barrage of jokes and a silly plot to hang them on, then this is the movie for you. Do I have a teeny-tiny part in it? Yes. Would I be recommending this movie even if I didn’t? You betcha. Do I expect those who haven’t seen it yet to immediately text me about my scene when you see it? If you’re anything like my dad, then hell yes.
Go ahead, I’ll wait.
BEST MOVIE OBSCURED BY TERRIBLE MARKETING: Better Man
I’m posting the trailer here, but you don’t need to watch it again. You probably already saw it in a theater and wondered why someone made a movie musical about a singing ape standing in for a British pop star you’ve probably never heard of. Your guess is as good as mine. But I am here to tell you that this is better than both Wicked and Emilia Perez. Give it a chance!
BEST “WHY DID THIS NOT GO INTO THEATERS?” MOVIE: It’s What’s Inside
The ongoing destruction of Hollywood from the inside out means that the bargain bin at your local Best Buy has been replaced by the straight-to-streaming flick destined to linger in obscurity until the algorithm serves it up to you after you’ve cleaned out your watchlist. I, a man of taste5 was fortunate enough to catch some good word-of-mouth about this comedic body-swapping thriller right after it came out, so I turned out the lights and popped it on. It’s What’s Inside also suffered from marketing issues – the social media posts made it seem like a horror movie, this trailer doesn’t quite capture the madcap nature of the film itself – but boy am I ever glad I took a flyer on it. And above all I wish Netflix had just done everyone a great service and served up this little slice of midnight movie heaven on the big screen for a couple weeks, just to make sure it got its due in front of a real-deal audience.
BEST SUPPORTING VAPE: Conclave
Listen, I know Conclave had a big awards season, but the Academy should’ve added a category just for the vape.
MY TOP 10 MOVIES OF 2024, IN EMOJI FORM
💯💯💯🦫🦫🦫
🎾🥵
💃🏼🇷🇺🤑💍🗣️🗣️🗣️😢
🇭🇺🚢🇺🇸👷🏻♂️💉👨🏻🏥☹️
🤳🏽🇮🇱🚜🇵🇸
👯♀️💉↔️🫠
🐈⬛🌊⛵️🫨
🧟♂️🤕👬🎭😵💫
🇵🇱🤓😎🚂🥲
👀👮🏻♂️🧑🏾🦱🧑🏿🦱🐊
What’re your guesses? Leave some comments and let me know!
WHAT ABOUT ME?
This week, you can find me:
doing shows in LA, and gearing up for shows in Dallas and Austin - full show calendar is here
getting ready to host my comedy game show WRONG! in San Diego on the 28th at 10 PM, get your tickets!
And if you haven’t watched my new special, please do.6 If you have, maybe tell a friend about it!
Until next time, friends. Thanks for reading, I’m glad you’re here!
sorry to all the Demi Moore stans out there, her loss did fuck up my Oscar bracket
though I would not classify this as a plane movie, which is a whole other very specific genre that might merit its own essay someday
not in the slightly pornographic way that Coralie Fargeat showed us to in The Substance
I don’t think any of you reading this think that, because you are all following me, a relatively obscure comedian.
read: dude who has a Letterboxd account
really? you still haven’t by now? I’ve been pushing this thing for, like, two months!